When the cabin door closed, Denise made the safety announcement. Rachel remained in the galley. I fastened my belt and stared at the front of the plane.
The engines started.
For the first time, I was afraid Marcus would be too distracted to fly. I knew how carefully he guarded his work. I closed my eyes and pictured him in the cockpit, following every step he had followed on hundreds of flights.
We moved away from the gate.
As the plane turned toward the runway, my phone lit up with a message from my granddaughter Zoe.
ARE YOU ON DAD’S PLANE?
I typed back.
YES. I’M IN MY SEAT.
She answered with a heart and a photograph of the graduation gown hanging on her bedroom door.
I had come to Chicago for her graduation tomorrow. Marcus had insisted I fly with him so we could all have dinner tonight. We had talked about that dinner for weeks.
Now I wondered how much he had heard and what he would do when we landed.
The plane lifted through the clouds. I pressed my palm to the window until the airport disappeared.
A few minutes later, Denise crouched beside me.
“The captain asked me to make sure you’re comfortable,” she said.
“I am.”
“He also asked me to tell you he’s focused on the flight.”
I gave a small laugh through tears.
“That sounds like my son.”
Denise smiled. Then her expression grew serious.
“When we land, someone from the airline’s customer-care team would like to speak with you. It’s your choice.”
I looked at the bent pass in my lap.
“I’ll speak with them,” I said. “But first, I want to speak with Marcus.”
I tried to read during the flight.
The same paragraph waited on the page for nearly an hour.
Every time someone walked down the aisle, I remembered Rachel standing beside me, telling me I was in the wrong place. I knew my seat was mine. I still caught myself checking the number above it.
Denise noticed. She brought tea and asked if I wanted her to move my handbag into the overhead bin so I had more room.
“No, thank you.”
I wanted it beside me. Inside was a small envelope I had carried from home, though I hadn’t decided whether to give it to Marcus. His father had written his name on the front.
Samuel had been gone for four years.
Marcus and I had spoken about him often enough to keep his memory close, but there were things we avoided. The last argument between father and son was one of them.
I touched the envelope through the handbag and left it there.
David, across the aisle, closed his laptop.
“I sent the video,” he said. “You can look whenever you’re ready.”
“Thank you for keeping it private.”
“You asked me to.”
He went back to his work. I appreciated that he didn’t expect a conversation in return.
An hour before landing, Rachel came through the cabin with a tray. She offered drinks to two passengers ahead of me. When she reached my row, she stopped.
“I can take care of Ms. Carter,” Denise said from behind her.
Rachel moved on.
I watched her walk away. Part of me wanted her to come back and explain herself. Another part was relieved she hadn’t tried while Marcus was in the cockpit and I had nowhere else to go.
The plane descended through pale clouds. I saw the city come into view, then felt the wheels touch the runway.
A few passengers applauded. I smiled before I could stop myself. Marcus would have rolled his eyes at the applause, but I had always loved hearing it.
We parked at the gate. Denise asked whether I wanted to leave with the first passengers or wait until the aisle cleared.
“I’ll wait for Marcus.”
As people passed, several looked at me. One woman squeezed my shoulder and said she was glad I hadn’t moved. I thanked her.