Up on the porch, David finally lowered his coffee mug. I caught the faintest hint of a smile on his face. Susan had just admitted, in front of three police officers wearing active body cameras, that she had offered to withhold a criminal accusation in exchange for property. She had just confessed to felony extortion.
But Sergeant Miller was treating the situation as a standard dispute. He pulled out a small notepad. “Okay, everyone calm down. Sir, I’m going to need your identification.”
I reached slowly for my back pocket. “My wallet is in my back right pocket, Sergeant. Pulling it out now.”
I handed over my driver’s license. Miller inspected it.
Susan wasn't satisfied. She needed the truck. She marched up to Sergeant Miller, pointing at Vince. “Officer, the HOA has absolute jurisdiction over aesthetic violations. This man is dangerous, and his vehicle is a hazard. I have authorized its immediate removal. Vince, hook it up!”
Vince hesitated, looking at the cops. Tyler aggressively waved him forward. “You heard the President, Vince. Hook the damn thing up.”
Vince dropped the steel chains to the asphalt. They landed with a heavy, scraping clang. He began to unspool the winch cable, walking it toward the front axle of my truck.
“Wait,” I said sharply. “If you attach those hooks to my vehicle, I am pressing charges for attempted grand theft auto.”
“You can’t press charges!” Susan shrieked with manic laughter. “You’re the one going to jail! It’s in our bylaws! The HOA has the right to remove non-compliant property!”
“Officer,” I said to Miller, keeping my voice steady. “You have a woman claiming assault, but also demanding my vehicle be seized. This isn't an HOA matter. It’s an extortion attempt.”
Susan whipped around to face the house. David had finally walked down the steps of the porch and was approaching the group. He walked with a smooth, unhurried grace.
“You!” Susan barked at David. “Tell the police what you saw! Tell them he showed up uninvited and threatened us!”
David stopped beside me. He didn’t look at Susan. He looked directly at Sergeant Miller.
“Sergeant,” David said, his voice calm but vibrating with unmistakable authority. “Before this goes any further, I want to clarify exactly what Mrs. Vance is claiming.”
Susan sneered. “I’m claiming he’s a violent thug, and you need to back me up if you want a quiet life in this neighborhood, renter.”