For perhaps ten seconds, I could not quite believe the conversation had happened.
Then I opened the HOA documents.
I had read them before.
I work in information-security consulting.
My job consists largely of reading documents people hope nobody reads carefully.
Policies.
Contracts.
Audit reports.
Incident logs.
I searched every occurrence of “package,” “delivery,” “porch,” “hazard,” “nuisance,” “temporary,” and “common area.”
Nothing authorized the HOA to remove deliveries.
There was one rule allowing management to remove abandoned personal property from actual common areas after notice.
My porch was not a common area.
There was also a security recommendation suggesting homeowners retrieve deliveries promptly.
Recommendation.
Not seizure power.
I emailed the president.
I copied the management company.
I attached the video.
The message contained four sentences.
You removed property from my private porch at 3:50 p.m. today. No HOA rule authorizes this. Return the sealed parcel to my residence tonight. Do not enter my property to remove deliveries again. Please preserve all communications and records regarding any HOA practice of collecting resident packages.
She replied eleven minutes later.
The Association rejects your characterization. The item was secured due to an unattended-delivery concern and may be retrieved during office hours. Continued hostile communications may be treated as harassment.
I laughed once.
Not because it was funny.
Because anger sometimes needs somewhere to go.
I sent the video to the rest of the board.
The treasurer replied:
I wasn’t aware we collected packages. Looking into this.
The secretary did not respond.
The vice president replied:
Probably easier to pick it up tomorrow.
That was the first moment I understood why the president remained president.
Not because everyone agreed with her.
Because dealing with her was exhausting, and exhaustion can look like consent if it lasts long enough.
I went to the HOA office the following morning.
It occupied one room beside the community pool.
The president sat behind the desk.
My package rested on a shelf behind her.
The seal had been cut.
I looked at it.
Then at her.
“You opened it.”
CHAPTER 28
“For identification.”
“My name and address are on the label.”
“There have been incidents involving misdelivered parcels.”
“You knew exactly where you took it from.”
“You’re being confrontational.”
“I am standing still.”
Her mouth tightened.
I took out my phone.
“May I have my property?”
She slid the box toward me.
I opened it while standing there.
The headphones were inside.
The retail packaging had also been opened.
That changed something.
“You opened the product box too.”
“I needed to ensure it didn’t contain prohibited material.”
I stared.
“What prohibited material?”
“We have rules regarding hazardous substances.”
“Headphones?”
“I couldn’t know before inspection.”
“You believe the HOA has the authority to inspect sealed deliveries to private residences?”
She leaned back.
“I believe the board has an obligation to maintain safety.”
“No.”
“You believe power means anything you can call safety.”
Her eyes narrowed.