He seemed to calculate the odds. He let out a honk that sounded suspiciously like whatever and waddled toward the shed.
The others followed, albeit reluctantly. Fluffy gave Higgins one last side eye before retreating.
Miller walked into the yard, keeping a wary eye on the shed. He helped Mrs. Higgins down from the table.
She was trembling. Her pants were covered in dirt from her shoes.
Her hair was a bird's nest of its own. "Thank God," she panted, clutching Miller's arm.
"You need to arrest him. Assault with a deadly weapon.
Reckless endangerment. Kidnapping."
"Kidnapping?" Miller asked.
"Ma'am, did he force you into the yard?" "Well, no," she stammered.
"I entered to perform an inspection, as is my right as HOA president." Did you unlock the gate?
Miller asked, pulling out a notepad. It was unlocked.
He left it unlocked to lure me in. And did you see the sign?
Miller pointed to the bright red metal square on the gate post. She hesitated.
I I thought it was a joke, a decoration. Ma'am, Miller sighed, closing his notepad.
You entered a fenced property marked with a warning sign. The homeowner was not present to escort you.
Technically, you were trespassing. Trespassing?
Her voice went up three octaves. I am the president of the association.
I have an easement right. Show me the easement papers, Miller said.
I I don't have them on me. They are in the bylaws.
Then this is a civil matter, Miller concluded. We can't arrest a man because you walked into his yard and got spooked by his pets.
"They aren't pets," she screamed, pointing a shaking finger at the shed where Lucifer was now watching us from the doorway like a bouncer at a club. "They are wild beasts."
"They are livestock," I interjected helpfully. "Registered poultry."
Miller turned to me. "Sir, keep your birds contained.
If they get out on the street, we have a problem. As long as they stay behind this fence and you have those signs up, you're within the law."
He turned back to Higgins. Ma'am, I suggest you go home and wash up and maybe stay out of this gentleman's yard.
Higgins looked like she was going to explode. Her face cycled through purple, red, and a sickly pale color.
She straightened her blouse, glared at me with the intensity of a thousand burning suns, and marched past the officers. "This isn't over, Michael," she hissed as she passed me.
"You will hear from our lawyers. You will hear from the city.
I will have those birds roasted by Friday." "I like mine with a nice orange glaze," I called after her.
The officers escorted her out. Miller lingered for a second.
"Nice setup," he muttered. "My wife wants chickens.
I might tell her about the geese." "They're great listeners," I said.
When they left, I locked the gate. I walked over to the shed.
Lucifer came out and nudged my leg with his beak. It wasn't aggressive.
It was a fist bump. I gave him a handful of dried meal worms.
"Good job, boys," I whispered. "Phase one complete."
The peace lasted exactly 48 hours. On Wednesday, the fine arrived.
It wasn't a certified letter this time. It was taped to my front door.
Violation notice. Offense: Keeping of unauthorized livestock nuisance animals.
Offense: Installation of nonapproved signage. Fine, $500. remedy.
Immediate removal of animals and signage. I didn't even blink.
I scanned the document and emailed it to Dave, my lawyer friend. Dave replied 3 minutes later.
Ignore it. The bylaws don't define nuisance animals specifically enough to override the city ordinance, and the signs are required by liability law, which trumps HOA aesthetics.
If they try to foreclose, we sue for harassment. But keep the camera rolling.
They're going to escalate. Dave was a prophet.
Higgins realized she couldn't come in herself. She was too scared and she couldn't send the police.
So, she went for the mercenaries. On Friday morning, a white van pulled up.
Green Thumb Landscaping and Maintenance was stenciled on the side. I didn't have a contract with Green Thumb.
The HOA did. I was in my office, which overlooks the front yard, when I saw three guys get out.
They were big guys. They looked like they wrestled tree stumps for fun.
They were carrying weed whackers, leaf blowers, and a very large ladder. Higgins was nowhere to be seen.
She was commanding from the rear like a coward general. I watched as they walked around to the side gate.
I switched my monitor to the backyard camera feed. The lead guy, a man with a beard that took up half his face, reached for the latch.